Day 9

 This morning I'm starting a week with a goal of getting 1000TSS (a way of tracking fitness/workouts). I've never done that much in one week. I chose to do the Ironman. Many people would love to be able to spend this much time and energy on their personal fitness. Today I’m focusing on being grateful for my training. 

I had to stop working on Chapter 3 (Forgiveness) as I was getting into a negative space. So I've moved on and am now listening to Think Like a Monk Chapter 4.

“Clinging to temporary things gives them power over us, and they become sources of pain and fear. But when we accept the temporary nature of everything in our lives, we can feel gratitude for the good fortune of getting to borrow them for a time.”

I brainstormed (no wrong answers): “What am I afraid of losing?”  

• Spiders
• Heights
• Being Broke
• Being seen as incompetent
• Death and Aging
• Hurting others unintentionally
• Loved ones in pain
• Hell (not sure what that means)
• Being a fraud, or being found out as a fraud
• Abandonment
• Getting caught in an unrighteous act causing judgment or abandonment
• Horror movies
• Being unable to provide 
• Death of Kim
• Being unlovable
• Being alone (which is strange, because most of the time I like to be by myself)

The ones that resonate the most with me are

• Being seen as incompetent
• Loved ones in pain
• Abandonment
• Getting caught in an unrighteous act causing judgment or abandonment
• Being unable to provide 
• Death of Kim
• Being unlovable

I'm trying to understand and accept that all things are temporary and that I can’t truly own or control anything so that I can fully appreciate the things I do have and they can enhance my life rather than be a source of fear.  

• I am incompetent (I had to google how to spell scene, sein, sean)
• My loved ones will have pain. All the pain in my life has helped me and made me stronger. It will do that for them too.
• I will be abandoned. I will also likely find new connections
• I will do things others view as wrong and be judged by them or even abandoned. As long as I am doing the least harm possible, this is their choice.
• Most people here in Mexico have a lot less wealth than we ever will.
• Kim will die. I will die. We don't have tomorrow, we have today.
• I love myself.

The monk's mind is about detaching from fear. I'm not sure that is how I feel the healthiest. I'm going to explore that tomorrow.

I found an awesome place for lunch today (casa mission). Was able to get in a 4-mile run and 20-mile bike ride so Day 1 on my quest to 1000 is completed.