TCI Season 2-5

​notes from a 7 day silent Buddhist retreat about 90 minutes south of Minneapolis  Catch the dragon The mind is a mirror. Defilements are the dust on the mirror. The glue that holds the defilements is the root trauma.  This retreat focused on Vipassana meditation, which is a practice that involves seeing things as they are. It is one of several techniques in Buddhism, including Anapanasati (mindfulness of breath), Samatha (concentration/tranquility), and Metta (loving-kindness). There is also something called Jhana we didn't get into. Vipassana involves observing the body and mind moment by moment to experience the three truths of impermanent (anicca), unsatisfactory (dukkha), and selfless (anatta). The focus of this retreat was mainly on impermanence. When a sense (such as sight or smell) or thought is triggered in our consciousness, it leads to perception and a label or categorization of positive or negative. This can then lead to a sensation arising in the body based on how...

 Each time I read this book I get to the part on SERVICE and think "I do not want to do that" which then turns me to thinking "I am a bad person."  Today after Yoga and Breakfast one of the travelers at the center mentioned she had a Masters's Degree in Human Services and was a grant writer for non-profits. I told her about the chapter and my resistance to the idea of service. I told her I'd tried many times and hated it (Habitat, Americus Prison, etc). Each time I got super bored and felt I was just wasting my time being inefficient. She said, "if you are an introvert and you decide to volunteer to serve by handing out fliers for a non-profit for a mall... you are harming yourself and others (the people you are trying to give pamphlets to will see your pain and resist being open to the nonprofit)". She challenged me to think about service in a different way.  What if "service" isn't a thing to do, or an organization to volunteer for,...

Instead of looking for others to make me happy, I am working to be that person for myself. But I'm still looking forward to getting home to Kim more than I am excited to be here. Paul Tillich said, “Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man’s being alone. It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”  I have LOVED the 'solitude' of this trip. The yoga place has more of a 'family' vibe than the house I rented. Having my friends and family come to town was fun, but it broke the solitude and I really had to extend the trip to get close to the same level of introspection for self-growth I had last year.  I finished the chapter on relationships. I would say 50% of the chapter is written for somebody early in their life who hasn't found a partner yet (dating advice). The other 50% was applicable ...  In every relationship, you have the opportunity to set...

I did a loop around the island with one of the guests who is staying at the yoga retreat, we then met the hosts at an Indian place for dinner.  Look at how this mother is looking at her daughter making a silly face eating some food. The family I'm staying with has a true love for each other. They don't agree on many things (they get quite animated about it) but the love they have for each other is real. On the second day, I spent the day just hanging out on the beach. It was a good place to read my books and contemplate what I got out of this trip. I realized I'm really homesick. So I decided to change my flight to return Monday instead of Wednesday. But it was hard to be of a calm mind even in paradise. In the morning I learned my mother's dog died. I reached out to a loved one and learned they have been excommunicated via text. As strange as this sounds, it is an annual tradition that one of my family is in the unofficial "persona non grata" slot ... we shou...

  I took a bike around the island today and the wind was intense. On the east side where there is no shelter from the wind, it was perpendicular to me and I was all over the road. Luckily I left early in the morning and didn't have much company on the road to worry about. The ride took about 20min longer than the typical 2hour 20min 40mile loop... but mentally it was a lot tougher. I am grateful to get the chance to ride in the wind and now know that I can ride in a 20MPH crosswind. I spent a large fraction of the day working. Eww. SHUT UP MONKEY BRAIN, I AM GRATEFUL FOR WORK I did my gratitude meditation this morning. I loved it.  On my bike, I spent some time contemplating why I struggle to feel "Joy" when I am appreciating things or am feeling grateful. The way I understand it is that if you can be grateful that should bring about a feeling of Joy. Instead, I get an analysis of why I'm grateful. I think this may have to do with how I process emotions differently (A...

Gratitude is when “you recognize that something is valuable to you, which has nothing to do with its monetary worth.” Morning gratitude: Before getting up .. "pray" (not like church... just meditate) for 20 min on what I'm grateful for. MEAL: Be grateful for the food.  1 in 9 people does not have enough to eat.  Evening: GRATITUDE JOURNAL Every night, spend five minutes writing down things you are grateful for. It is easy to see the wonderful things in my life like Kim, our financial security, our kids becoming adults... but I also miss so many things that I should be grateful for; I was born into privilege, I had loved ones invest more in me than I did in them, I have had opportunities to learn/grow that was enabled by others. I take so much for granted. I'm sitting on the back deck of the yoga retreat and can see some construction workers next door installing a second-floor concrete structure. Their gear and safety equipment is nowhere close to what we use at home. ...

 Today's bike ride around the island was on the chapter about Ego in the monk book. I know prior to 2015 my false ego was defined by my career. For some reason, I placed value in climbing the ladder to prove to myself and others that I was capable. But the root of this climb was really my own insecurity. The arrogant ego desires respect, whereas the humble worker inspires respect. My ego at the time was clearly driven by arrogance. I would love to have a humble ego. But I find myself often unable to balance my selfish need for others' approval with the humility of just being real. I strive to "take second place" rather than dominate... I am growing comfortable not "leading" our business. On some days I feel ready to start something else on my own (my appetite for pace/risk is greater due to my core value of Adventure) but I always stop short of pulling the trigger because I know that right now I wouldn't be able to maintain a balance and would start to r...

 The last two days have been rough. I’m homesick for the first time. I had a really bad headache on the second day that kept me inside for most of the day (watching netflix). I still have some things I want to finish working but I’m on the last stretch of this trip for sure (<10 days). I looked at flights to get home sooner but it was $1K and the weather in MN is scheduled to be -2 degrees so I think I'll stick it out for the rest of the trip and keep my return flight 3/16. If last year's trip was about forgiveness, this year is about starting to transition from a list of goals to do to fulfill my life to also including a list of things to be. I don’t know how to make that stick.  I was able to finish the chapter on "the mind" in the monk book. Last year when I read this second I was relatively new to the ideas of meditation. This year the chapter was refreshing but not as new as it was last year. I clearly see my "monkey mind" taking control way too ofte...

 On today's bike around the island, I ran into the owner of the Irish Setters that lived next door (diablos rojos). It’s a very small island. He knows Christian (the guy who knows I sunbathe nude because Chris told him). He asked me if I knew Chris's minimum price relative to his asking price for the house I rented (I did, Christian told me Chris would take $600k but has it listed for $850k). I really don’t think I could live on an island where everybody is up in everybody else’s business.  The next chapter in the monk book was “Routine”.  This was an easy one for me. I already do most of the recommended activities. I like to go to bed early and wake up early, structure to my activities and schedule, sleep 8-9hr, I don’t focus on hours worked but on work produced, I try to spend time on where I find value.  What I don’t do well is my phone. As I learned earlier this week I’m highly addicted to my phone. Even first thing in the morning.  Nati put some “essential...

 I started the day with yoga.  One of the dogs (Joy) decided to join me. Before I jump into Dharma I feel it is important to record my ideas on business ideas I could do for 55-65 years old (in order of things that excite me): Foster Care Horse BnB Temp CEO for remodeling businesses where the owner wants prolonged vacation or dies Workshops on Couples Coaching for people who work together Remote Chief Architect / Design freelance Knoxlife 2.0 Remote Accounting   NEW (Not a job/work):  Atypical IRONMAN team building and sharing/coaching I'm also trying to figure out ... "Why am I trying to adjust my current life?"  Yes, I am miserable in MN when it gets cold and dark. I get depressed and lonely. But maybe I could make it work (still want to move at some point...).  I think the root is that my lead value after "stability" is taken care of is "adventure". I want to change in life for the adventure. Can I sustain a life of adventure from MN? Do I need to j...

Today was all about working out.  I overdid it (4hr bike, 1hr run, 1hr yoga). I also was able to get in the meditation and mindfulness at sunrise. I wasn't able to get in the 2nd hour of yoga or do my journaling over sunset (found it better just to watch the sunset with Kim via Facetime).  My body is beaten up... the 2 beers I had at Coconuts didn't help with the cycling ;)  But my alcohol content is way down since the company left (averaging 2 light beers a day). This morning's run to watch sunset started well before sun-up. I did my meditation while the sun was rising. I was focusing on gratitude and how grateful I am for Kim and for this time away from responsibilities. I was thinking about where am I most content. Clearly in a tropical location. But while focusing on my breath I realized I was very content in that moment and was not observing the sunrise and my body could have been anywhere (even Minnesota). I found it interesting that I can be content just breathing ...

This has to be a two-day journal.... I'm moving and can't find most of my notes or the monk book study guide... I have a list of goals I want to finish in the back of the monk book that I'm looking forward to finishing and it has my notes on business ideas for 55-65years old. I'm sure I will find it. I love lists and I like goals. But this quote from the Joy book I'm reading keeps ringing in my head "stop making lists of what you want to do, and start making lists of what you want to be".  I've had a lot of partying over the last few weeks. I am looking forward to focusing more on other things. I made a tentative schedule for myself for my days at the Yoga retreat. I'll see how well I do at following it.... I spent a good part of the 22nd day just hanging out by myself at the pool at the house. I went the Carlos and Charlies and had one-yard rum punch. It took me two trips to get all my stuff to the Yoga Sanctuary (2 bikes, the large bike suitcase,...

  My family left this evening. I am solo again. I enjoyed the time with friends and family but I'm excited to get back to working on myself (physically and mentally). I went back over some of my notes for the last two years and tried to summarize it here. I'm wrapping up the chapter on intention in the monk book, but also reading a book called "The Book of Joy" by Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. It is very different than the monk book. It seems to focus on the idea that joy is just an intentional state of mind.  Here are my review notes: My Values Adventure (Challenge, Daring, Freedom, Risk Taking) Equality (fairness, equal treatment, helping people in need) Security (Stability, logic, reliability, punctuality, Dependability) Family (connection, comfort, grounded) Pleasure (food, physical, visual) Things to forgive Myself and others for my CIO career and how it ended. Done 2021 My parents. Done 2021 but I still miss them Conservatives and the Christian Church.    Done 2...

 Really nice conversation with my cousin about how she is processing some stuff she is going thru.  Was able to engage but also state when I had enough (given the topic was around past traumas she had and her faith it was not a topic I was eager to engage but it is SOOO much of who she identifies herself as right now it’s something I have to engage because it’s who she is right now). We also have things in common (both value adventure). We had a great day riding bikes around the island stopping at beach bars. We left the house around 10am on our bikes and didn’t get home until 5pm when we “quickly” showered before heading to Alberto’s for dinner.  At one of the stops I spent some time envisioning another scenario for 55-65 years old: Where: anywhere   What: temporary CEO for medium size remodeling companies for when the existing CEO becomes ill or wants to take a month vacation  Benefits:  I envision doing two or maybe three engagements per year.  This...

   What do I truly want?  Friends. Solving problems. Adventure. Financial security. Relationship security What are my desires?  Sex. Sun. Feeling young/fit. Deeper (not defensive) connection  Why do I want what I want?  I get depressed when it is cold/dark I fear abandonment  I feel like I contribute when I’m solving problems  I love to try new things What are the intentions behind my desires?  Fear (financial & relationship security), Desire (sex, fitness, adventure), Love (deeper connection, sun for self care, friendship), Service (solving problems) Do I define myself by my intentions or by my achievements/career?  I use to define myself by achievements/career. I’ve worked hard to overcome that. I am at a healthy state now. I definitely define myself by my intention at the moment. I’m still fearful of falling back into the habit of defining myself by achievements/career. Sometime I think about going back to work just to get new problem...

 Jay asserts there are four primary motivators that influence the choices we make: Fear, Desire, Duty, Love, and that doing things out of Love and Duty instead of trying to find happiness through success, allows us to achieve more. He says that when we live with a clear sense of why what we do matters, life takes on more meaning and fulfillment. I do know I spent a lot of my life chasing happiness via “success” and found it unfulfilling no matter how much “success” I achieved.  But real talk… I don’t feel the same drive and passion with Love and Duty as I did Fear and Desire. I’m not saying I don’t feel Love and Desire. I love Kim and the kids. Without question. But I don’t have a lot of drive around that. I want to ensure they are safe and cared for, but that’s not the same addicting drive for MORE that I felt when I was on the treadmill of “success” driven by Fear and Desire. Frankly “duty” just sounds horrible. Just the word sounds like a guilt-driven obligation.  I re...

  An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.  Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.  The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?” The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos.  I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you co...

 Today my friends came in town. One of my closest friends surprised me by showing up. We walked to town a bit and went to the market back at our place to watch the sunset and cook dinner. We started watching the movie Apocalypto. It was about the Mayan call Terr. It’s portrayed as very communal and brutal. It has subtitles and we’re watching it on a very large 27 inch TV :-) so I can barely read the subtitles. The good news is there’s very little dialogue. I think the movies pretty well done. It’s giving me a lot of insight into why some of those core values that I don’t understand such as purity  in group travel behavior and authority are a value. I can see joy in the community members in the movie based on having that community and how those values are reinforced in the tribe.