Day 28

 Today's bike ride around the island was on the chapter about Ego in the monk book. I know prior to 2015 my false ego was defined by my career. For some reason, I placed value in climbing the ladder to prove to myself and others that I was capable. But the root of this climb was really my own insecurity. The arrogant ego desires respect, whereas the humble worker inspires respect. My ego at the time was clearly driven by arrogance.

I would love to have a humble ego. But I find myself often unable to balance my selfish need for others' approval with the humility of just being real. I strive to "take second place" rather than dominate... I am growing comfortable not "leading" our business. On some days I feel ready to start something else on my own (my appetite for pace/risk is greater due to my core value of Adventure) but I always stop short of pulling the trigger because I know that right now I wouldn't be able to maintain a balance and would start to redefine myself as what I am doing.

Even at this retreat - new people show up at dinner - they ask "what do you do?"  I have no good answer for that. I try to answer honestly but it comes out as some sort of poorly formed sentences that talk about trying to live a balanced life... some people are interested in that and ask me for advice... sometimes my ego takes over and I give it... but the reality is that I have no idea what I'm doing.  I love my life. I think this comes across. I do feel my balance and ego is getting better... but it is not good yet... and defiantly not something others need to emulate. 

I watched the sunset at the "Sunset bar" again last night. I think this is becoming my go tow place. I enjoy the people at the retreat center, but being around people is very different for me for my time to focus on personal growth (a lot of small talk about "where are you going snorkeling today"). But everybody I have met here is super kind and are OK with me being more of a hermit ;)

Tomorrow I start the 3rd and final section of the Monk book. I've read the 3rd section a few times but NEVER studied it. The reason I'm still sticking around the island is to focus on this 3rd section. I have about a week to cover: GIVE: Gratitude, Relationships & Service.