Day 4 - TLAM Chapter 1

 Some friends are reading Think Like a Monk together. We are doing Chapter 1 today. It is about identity.

“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am“

You can watch the video by clicking on the link. But trigger warning. Don't look at Jay Shetty. He is super hot and his eyes will distract you from the message.

A large part of my identity is distorted by how I think others see me. I am driven by my values, which help form my identity. Here are my values and their origins and if they are something I want to keep:

• Logic - I grew up being taught all sorts of nonsense. Stuff like "Dinasors are not real because they were not in the bible". When I went to college and learned that, no, Dinosaurs are real... well I lost confidence in A LOT of what I was taught to be factual. I now need to know/understand things using scientific logic before I will adopt them. The one thing I still hold that is completely non-scientific is my faith that God exists. I can't define what "God" means any more than my dog can define who I am (My dog doesn't even have language skills). I don't mean Christian (as I don't think Jesus would mean "Evangelical Fundamentalist American Christian" has anything to do with his Gospel). 
• Adventure - I love to try new things. This came from my dad. He was always trying to get us to explore new things. We also moved around a lot when I was a kid. 
• Family - I love my family. I have respect and honor for my family of origin. This was thought to me culturally and by my Dad. But I also mean my family of choice, not just the people I'm related to. 
• Base needs - In my 20-30's "Material Assets" was a value. But it evolved to "just basic needs" (Toilet Paper, Food, etc). I got this need from watching the stress my parents when my dad lost his job in Banking. 
• Equality - I don't like seeing people treated unfairly. Sure I can be a jerk myself, but it really bothers me when I see something being picked on just for being different. I have made a lot of $$ and always vote to have my taxes increased because I want to force those of us with $$ to redistribute it rather than hord it.  I probably got this idea initially from the teachings in Christs' Gospel. I probably refined it by living with Kim (hyper Kind/Nice person)

I have done this exercise before. I didn't look back on my answers from last time until just now. Similar, but not the same:

• Adventure (Challenge, Daring, Freedom, Risk Taking)
• Boldness (Innovation, Inquisitive, Questioning)
• Family/Spirit (connection, comfort, grounded)
• Influence (Achievement, Ambition, Recognition, Influence)
• Pleasure (food, physical, visual)
• Security (Stability, reliability, punctuality, Dependability)

I like some of the last times better.  So I think my current working list of values will be:

• Adventure (Challenge, Daring, Freedom, Risk Taking)
• Equality (fairness, equal treatment, helping people in need)
• Security (Stability, logic, reliability, punctuality, Dependability)
• Family (connection, comfort, grounded)
  
• Pleasure (food, physical, visual)
  

The next part talked about how important it is to let go of false values. I think I did a pretty solid job on this. Last time I recognized Influence as a value and decided I wanted to distance myself from it. I can't say that is not something I'm completely "cured" from (still have an ego that may be too large). But I have made progress over the past year. So YIPEEE... shits getting better.

The third part was about living life on your own terms, not based on other people's opinions. I used to get very hung up on other people's opinions. When I got raked over the coals in the press in 2015 I had to learn to develop calluses about others' opinions. Especially those on social media or anonymous cowards on the internet. I still value thoughts and ideas from people who are real (at least real enough to use their name).

The last part was about auditing your life and your friends and seeing how they do at conforming to your values. I found this hard. Over the last year or two I've distanced myself a lot from people that don't hold my values. I've said "bye" to a lot of family, which stings because family is one of my values. This internal conoflict stinks. I don't think this is the right thing to do, but it seems like the right thing to do for me at this point and time. When people advocate for their "right to infect other people" (not get vaccinated/make) it hurts me to hear them also say you are wrong if you are not in my religion (which is based on the tenant "love others more than yourself"). This triggers the whole "Dinasores are not real" childhood trust trama. I am 100% fine with people being selfish. Own it. But when people are willfully selfish and also proselytize a specific religion as "the right way" I lose my shit. I lost my unvaccinated dad a few months ago due to this sort of thinking. I lost him a few years prior because of the same thinking (I stopped listening to his guidance on how to live life when I realized his politics and "rights" became more important than the core of his religion that he would constantly express his displeasure in me because I didn't practice it the same way his church thought him to... it hurts so much to say that... but it is true. I lost him a few years ago. He died a few months ago. I regret never being strong enough to tell him that I have faith... I won't be called a "Christian" only because DINASORES ARE REAL and VACCINES SAVE LIVES and DON'T DO HORSE DRUGS JUST BECAUSE THE BALD MMA GUY ON THE PODCAST SAYS TO and GRABBING PUSSY IS RAPE, NOT PRESIDENTIAL GUY TALK.).

When I look at my existing friend list it is a lot shorter than I hoped it would be. I don't agree with all of them on all the values, but I do know that they all share most of my values. So that makes me happy.