Day 21

I got up at my regular crazy early hour. But instead of working out I headed to the beach. I sat at the beach for a long while contemplated how to say what needed to be said. I wrote it out many times. I never did get it perfect. I recorded the video. It doesn’t feel right

I’ve done my best to watch the video as an impartial observer as the book recommends. Trying to just see the pain from both sides and allow the forgiveness to happen naturally. Still doesn’t feel right. I think it is because I’m still willfully doing the behavior that I am angry at them for (holding them at a distance for having different views). I can try to intentionally overcome that behavior but my avoidance of conflict still leads me to be distant as I really don’t want to have conflict over our views. I am finding it hard to separate my fear of conflict from my avoidance due to difference. So it is hard to forgive them for something I feel I’m doing. Think I’ll work on it for a while today. I just sit with it. I don’t think I can force it. 

 But on the bright side it really does let me know the work one is in the past now.  Unlike this one, That one feels done done now  

Got the covid test today so I can get in the flight and a shit ton of margaritas planned. 

Daryl came down to my villa (he and Carmen moved upstairs) for lunch. He sprung on me they were going to the airport to get a 3pm flight and had to leave by 1pm. I talked some sense into him:). They are going to stay until Monday. Carmen hadn’t been to the bar “Somewhere” yet so we took their car there. I lost my keys (later found in Carmen’s purse). 

When we got to Somewhere the parasail boat was just leaving the harbor so we jumped onboard and went parasailing.

After parasailing we went to a Venezuelan place called Banski after the artist (of course D has a Banski jacket... I think he has a different wardrobe budget than I do).