Day 39 or something - The last post this trip

I am at peace.

Similar to trips in the past, some things I did on this trip were:

• Got in better shape
• Spent enough time alone to go from feeling lonely to feeling peace in solitude
• Spent enough time reading and thinking to discover more about myself
• Spent enough time drinking and meeting new people to know that I'm a hermit at heart

But unlike other trips, I'm not coming home with a big "I am going to do an Ironman" type goal or some revelation that I can most past some previous trauma. This time I'm going home with contentment. 

During my time, I spent time in meditation (Vipassana), reflecting back on my lifetime and some of my reoccurring thoughts. I also did Metta meditation, reflecting on how much I love myself and those around me.  I wrote down many thoughts that are too personal to put in a blog, but the short version is I am VERY content.  Even the nonsense with mom only sidetracked my contentment for a day or two. That would have wrecked the old me and probably would have struck me like a train if I were not somewhere sunny where I had time to truly reflect so I could respond rather than react to the emotions.

This doesn't imply I don't have a long list of things I want to try when I return.  Here are my five (each of which has many sub-bullets):

1. Physical and Mental Wellness
2. Gentle assertiveness  
3. Feeling unconditional love for myself and others 
4. Relationship With Kim  
5. Be of service to others

I also made a tactical list of things to see a doctor about sometime over the next year:

• Make it a priority to get PT on my left knee. During Crossfit I learned most of my stability issues are caused by the years of limited mobility in my left knee. This will get worse with age.
• Get an eye  - I can’t see shit.
• Prostate exam?  I pee A LOT (drinking a ton of water/beer here, but 6 times one night is too much)
• Have the doctor assess my breathing (I can only breathe out of one nostril). This will help with meditation and exercise too.
• Skin exam – got some moles and stuff that somebody should look at 

Tomorrow I fly to Korea for a day of sightseeing and then to MSP to watch F1 with Kim and Via.  Today I'm going to spend one last day by the pool and may go out on a boat again.