Day 0-1

​Travel days. Left the house at 6:30am Saturday and got to my hotel at Sunday. 

I meditated for 30min upon arriving the airport. It was hard to focus on my breath. It was interesting that my thoughts were what distracted me from my meditation not the brightness of the lights in the airport or the minimal noise that got past the noise-canceling headphones and ambient rain sounds I had playing. Last year I could meditate in noisy public places without any gadgets. But I think I am focusing a lot more this year. I also know I’m excited for my trip so that may be what’s causing the racing thoughts. 

Listened to a conversation between Professors Anthony Huberman (neuroscientist) and Jordon Peterson (Psychologist). One topic was the area of the brain called Nucleolus Reunions (midline thalamus area) that when stimulated would convert a terrified non confrontational being to on that would healthy approach it’s fears. This part of the brain has a direct tie to the dopamine system. Dopamine is an apedative (sp?) no satiating state of anticipation and mild frustration. It is seeking and our primary drive for living. I wonder how much of my desire for deviance is related to this pathway. I wonder if an enlightened mind has same levels of dopamine.  

On the airplane I meditated a half dozen times and watch a ton of podcasts. I came up with a rough outline of my physical goals for the days ahead based mostly on this video (https://youtu.be/gR_f-iwUGY4).  I’ve  made a list like this on the first day the last two years and promptly ignored it. 

Morning

• 10 min of direct sunlight 
• Cardio then strength. (Carbs during if needed and carb plus 26g protein directly after)
• Cold plunge 
• Daily Meditation 

Mid day 

• Yoga / stretch 
• Study
• Yoga nidra 

Evening 

• Sunset 
• Very light dinner

During the layover in the Korea airport I got an email from mom. But the mindfulness thing helps cuz my first reaction felt wrong and I focused on my breath and responded rather than reacted. I’m sharing the details of this because this shit hurts and I’m afraid this will f up my trip. I want her to love me unconditionally, and it hurts bad to think of her lonely.  But I also know the outcome every time I’ve engaged has been getting close enough I could be excommunicated.